The Graduate

Despicable, egregious, disgusting philanderer elopes with impressionable young lady, after publicly and privately humiliating her for months. “I hate you and don’t want to see you again” really means “I want your babies”… You know, comedy!

Just describing the plot is enough to feel sick.

Our main character is the prototypical Baby Boomer. His rich family sends him to college for a couple of years and he graduates in something, but apparently hated it there very much. Still, he returns home a hero, praised by all the family friends, mink-clad aunts, and other barbecue attendants.

Friend of the family Mrs. Robinson doesn’t give a damn about all that, but concocts a way to get him to her empty house, using her best politeness judo. At the first opportunity she is suddenly in the buff and asks him to ravish her. He is visibly shaken, but is saved by the sudden arrival of Mr. Robinson, creating an very awkward situation for our protagonist.

Still, his teenage hormones smelled sex, so the seed was planted in his little brain. He wanders aimlessly, but eventually musters the courage to call her up and they meet in a tasteful hotel for some in-out in-out. He is actually virgin on these matters, which leads into more awkward boob-grabbing and the like.

The (mentioned) fact she is twice his age is, combined with the way this whole thing started already makes this a gender-swapped version of Irréversible, but this is just the setup.

For unfathomable reasons, they continue this charade for months, until our protagonist wants to talk a bit, before mechanically blowing his load. He is just tired of being a sex object, I guess.

After some (verbal) prodding, Mrs. Robinson reveals she only married her husband after being impregnated by him, and gets accused of being an alcoholic housewife in return. The famous stocking scene happens and they get back to the fade-to-black sex, as long as her daughter Elaine is out of bounds.

YOLO mixes with caving to parent pressure, leading to a date with Elaine. Since our protagonist wants to scare her off, she is completely ignored, then they go to a titty bar and she receives wolf whistles while being motorboated by a stripper. Magically, this is just a speed bump and a couple hours later they are bonding over fast food.

It’s still early, so his idea is getting to a hotel. She casually mentions a name, which turns out to be the one her mother patronises. He leaves in shame, after being recognised by name.

Apparently being sexually harassed is Elaine’s idea of fun, so they are scheduled to go out again. Mrs. Robinson tries to put the kibosh on that, only to lead to Elaine finding out her mother is fucking her boyfriend. Only after that she rejects our protagonist and gets back to Berkeley university.

Our protagonist won’t take no for an answer, and decides Elaine will marry him, but she doesn’t know it yet. He moves to Berkeley and stalks her, revealing himself only when she meets her new boyfriend.

Still, Elaine doesn’t immediately requests a restraining order. Eventually, we learn that Mrs. Robinson is accusing our protagonist of raping her! Is everyone a sociopath here?

He once again humiliates Elaine in a library, but that’s what pushes her over the edge to marry him (WTF!).

Mr. Robinson finds out and stops goofing around. He confronts our protagonist, and forces Elaine to marry the other guy. Our protagonist social engineers his way into the wedding, punches the father in the balls, waves a big cross around like a club while escaping with a willing Elaine into a school bus.

The End.

I have no words… This is the sound of silence…


This is my place for ramblings about sequences of images that exploit the human visual limitation know as persistence of vision.

Ephemera of Vision