Ephemera of Vision
This is my place for ramblings about sequences of images that exploit the human visual limitation know as persistence of vision.
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Romancing the Bond, but with many more twists and turns for the drama. The decadence is too over the top, the private equity job too disgusting, and Dennis Leary is not pissed off enough at all these upper class twits.
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Oh god, this has too much Jean-Claude Van Damme attempts at acting, and not enough roundhouse kicks. There’s a HAL ripoff, and they even lift scenes from 2001, where the ‘puter is listening about his own demise across a window and goes rogue.
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Jesus fucking Christ, this barely has any Van Damme or Dolph Lundgren in it, but has maybe over a minute of a strobing full screen white light. Should have trigger warnings. It’s also too porn-adjacent, both the violence and the old fashioned kind, usually mixed together.
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Three women, one farmhouse. The landlords are the focus, but the workers have Rita Cabaço, subdued, without Raiva.
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Jesus, this is tough. Nearly 3h, 4:3, no music except some diegetic chants, literally all shots are fixed cameras (except some minor rocking boats), no close ups or any basic cinematic flair, Inception-level dialogue mixing.
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Moses meets Batman, but with much more fistfights. My god, Trump mentioned by name in the first 15 minutes! There’s too much gunplay for a pure Jean-Claude Van Damme picture.
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Spielberg went and made all his nostalgia-fuelled imitators obsolete. It truly makes Stranger Things shittier than it already is. This is an apolitical Three Days of the Condor.
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This is slightly better, with more variety and time for deeper gags, but it remains a goofy ass action comedy with Jonah Hill, it has a low ceiling.
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This is iffy, particularly towards the end, but that scene when the go to the school the first time is hilarious, it almost makes up for it. Almost.
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Christine with a big Mack truck meets Fast and Furious. Not as good as Breakdown or Seven, it doesn’t even try.
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Magic Mike, if the female cast was the entire Ocean’s Eleven. Deuce Bigalow has got to be a reference too.
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This is a shameless SCP adaptation, without mentioning or even hinting at that mythos. A very modern creepy-pasta stretched pretty thin. If Obsession is McDonald’s, this is the greasy spoon: better, but still not good for you.
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Always bet on Blumhouse to wrap misogyny in horror films. It’s always the premise, he won’t greenlight anything that doesn’t produce wank material for perverts.
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That’s the third film in a row where Van Damme gets buck naked and doesn’t actually fuck the girl, he really was the Tom Cruise of his day.
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Alien under the sea, but more conventional, and with Predator sounds. There’s also a kaiju coming from a Breach, but no Jaegers. Deep Blue Sea without the funny stuff.
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