Jumanji: The Next Level
Whaddaya mean, The Rock is an old Jewish guy from Brooklyn? Ya know, he’s on the ‘burbs!
Our main guy is studying in the Big Apple, but instead of camping on Columbia and occupy Hind’s Hall, he works in a supermarket. He’s depressed because the girlfriend from last time went to another college. His mother is supportive, but his grandfather is a jackass, which doesn’t help, so he puts the game back together and gets sucked into it off screen.
The gang gets back together, but it’s there’s a glitch, the characters are scrambled and the grandfather is also sucked in, along his long lost business partner, suave Danny Glover. The popular girl remains in the real world.
The Rock is the Brooklyn Rage old dude, Kevin Hart is a suave older dude with a affected accent, Karen Gillan is the shy girl, and Jack Black is the jock.
Most overarching plot stays the same, with minor changes. As soon as they drop in the desert, there’s the legally required quote of Lawrence of Arabia theme tune.
Oh lord, the Jonas Brother/Colin Hanks is visited by the girl he still has the hots for, drop the Back to the Future ickiness! To add insult to injury, he literally rides her (she’s a horse). How fucking insane is this, she even meets his daughter, with the same name. Yikes!
Excuse me, does Awkwafina say “Oy Vey!”? What the fuck is this? The real life characters are not very Jewish coded. Danny DeVito, come on!
They even switch bodies once, but it’s only for a scene. Then there’s the callback, where they back into their original bodies for the final scene.
There’s even a tasteless joke about Danny Glover’s cock when he is an horse. And an even more tasteless one about the only black guy being a caddy for the protagonist.
This is my place for ramblings about sequences of images that exploit the human visual limitation know as persistence of vision.