Ghosts Can't Do It
What the actual fuck did I just watch? This is just softcore cuck porn, with John Derek filming with one hand, and Bo Derek and Anthony “Zorba” Quinn in front of the camera!
There’s also a lot of chutzpah in writing about unconditional love by a guy married at least four times. Get a fucking grip.
Just writing out the plot outline makes me think I’m tripping balls. A guy that married some chick thirty years younger dies, and while he waits in purgatory, he talks to his wife, which continues to live life to the fullest as he would have wanted.
As soon as his body is cold, she is immediately accosted by several suitors: the local mayor, the young lecherous playboy, and the older businessman. She rebukes them all, since the idea is to make her kill some guy so that her husband can occupy his body.
This actually works, even though an angel says to him that reincarnation and possession are just fairy tales.
The main couple is filthy rich, on account of him having a unspecified empire. When he dies, she is the one than need to go the board meeting to avoid the company being broken up. One of those activist investors is Donald Trump. After beating back the pirates that wanted to split up her empire, she gets back to the islands, home.
The guy that dies is called Fausto Garibaldi, and is a farcical mirror from the protagonist, but he can’t see it! He’s brash, braggadocio, nymphomaniac, but goes further into actual voyeurism and rape! Other supporting cast include the funny Mayor and some older dude who worked with the dead husband.
The only woman are some flat-chested girls on the train complaining about boob jobs on every woman except themselves, and a Australian “white witch” who can help about reincarnation, but never actually does.
Our protagonist is unable to defend herself, even when she is about to get brutally raped twice! She just winces and throws her weapon to the ground (at some point, she points a fucking SMG at Fausto!). She would rather get raped than die (a direct quote!).
The male protagonist is a literal stand in for John Derek himself, and remember, he is always there in the background, filming the whole thing!
The business scenes are just baffling. The raiders want to split the empire, but she beats them back with coaching from her husband. This is actually not shown, no big speeches, just banter with Trump before and after “the deal”.
And Trump’s lines, good god. What do you mean, Trump saying “in this room, there are knives sharp enough to cut you to the bone, and hearts cold enough to eat yours as hors d’oeuvre”. And Bo Derek answers “you are too pretty to eat”, after which he retorts “you noticed”.
In a another scene, Bo Derek says to Trump’s face “I think you like to make mischief”. She read “his” book, The Art of the Deal.
At some point, she dances in such sexy manner, a reverend that sits nearby nearly busts a nut just by watching her swing around aimlessly, it’s not even twerking or one of those hyper-sexualized dances. He goes full “The End is Nigh” on her, accusing her of desecrating the Sabbath! She comforts him, he takes a final look at her hard nipples and goes away to be released by god, or whatever he calls blowing piping hot jizz all over his robes. She resumes her jiggling.
This was apparently filmed in Sri Lanka and the Maldives, just so you know the decadence is not surface level. It’s “private boats and seaplanes”-level of obscene wealth.
This is my place for ramblings about sequences of images that exploit the human visual limitation know as persistence of vision.