You Only Live Twice
Now this is just preposterous. SPECTRE is doing false flag rocket launches from their hollowed out volcano lairs with monorails
Someone is launching rockets in secret (what?), so Bond fakes his own death and gets buried at sea. A sub picks him up, where MI5 has a mobile base, Moneypenny included.
Bond goes to Japan, where Blofeld has a cunning plan. Attack both the USA and USSR manned space missions while pretending to be other nation. This will lead to thermonuclear war that kills all life on Earth, but Blofeld will rule over all the corpses.
Only Bond can stop him, by donning a culturally insensitive disguise, complete with slanted eyes. To help him, Japanese secret services has ninjas (of which some are samurai, for some reason) and pretend wives that eventually get fucked. After yet another Bond girl gets killed with ninja classic “poison dripping from a thread”, Bond just shrugs and finds the next vagina available.
After escaping the hollowed out volcano by swimming, dinghies are dropped for Bond and the girl having a shag. They are picked up by M’s submarine.
I don’t know how can anyone work on the evil lair, since the PA system is constantly blaring status reports every 2 seconds for the entire base, no matter how irrelevant. That doesn’t stop when ninjas storm the base either.
This was written by Roald Dahl, but you can’t tell. At least the theme song is nice, sung by Nancy Sinatra.