Knock Knock

Eli Roth sneaks into my living room (hidden behind cool uncle Keanu), takes a dump in the rug and throws bile all over the room. Gender swapped Funny Games is equally tasteless.

Why remake Funny Games? I can see Haneke doing it himself, his ego cannot be contained. There’s not even soliloquies here, low-rent Tarantino survives on a diet of hardcore porn and internet memes with Keanu. This are the main influences here, porn and memes. Also, why the FUCK is Sondra Locke producing this, what the hell?

There’s not ultraviolence either, just whatever passes for “psychological horror” in a manchild’s mind.

The big speech by Keanu should have a laugh track to hit the point home that this is laughable without being funny. Not content with all this crap, the script sticks just the tip into capitalist and feminist themes, but soon recoils in horror of the depth of those vaginas. Keep paddling on the kids’ pool, filled with warm piss.

The charitable interpretation of this 4chan post masquerading as an Hollywood film is a childish fantasy of the director wanting a threesome with hot young locals near him. What if I was at my home, alone, while two nubile nymphs eager for mature aubergines fall literally on my lap. I could Just Say No, but men are mere fuck machines and cannot keep it in their pants. Of course they are fucking bitches after I blow my load.

The less charitable interpretation is so vile and disgusting it’s not even worth considering. Better to be mistaken for an idiot when keeping quiet, than to make a film and remove all doubts.

Having one of the girls marry the director is just the icing on this hurricane of shit.

At least Ana de Armas (K’s virtual girlfriend) survived the second Z-list film where Keanu Reeves tries and fails miserably to talk Spanish. It’s worse that nails of chalkboard.


This is my place for ramblings about sequences of images that exploit the human visual limitation know as persistence of vision.

Ephemera of Vision