Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2
Took their sweet time, just get it over with. A marathon of this is simply too painful, after HP 4 it’s all a blur, just going through the motions.
There’s yet more disregard for the lore. For plot convenience, “the wand chooses the wizard” or they can use random ones they steal.
Speaking of disregarding the lore, Hogwarts is Gondor now, with ramparts, a massive bridge separating from the mainland, literal keystone armies. It’s like a Marvel film with The Lord of the Rings aesthetics, but uglier, more grey and muddled.
Really, the Quidditch field burning is like an amateur ripoff from the burning trees in Mordor, complete with a boring ass linear tracking shot, similar to Beowulf. At least that was a maaaasive travelling shot, this is just crap.
The bank heist is weaksauce. The boys literally cast an Unforgivable Curse, but since it’s on Jews… I mean, goblins, it’s fine. Of course the dirty Juden betrays our heroes for military power, at least Gringotts is now wizard Lebensraum.
Might as well put all the plot points in the Room of Requirement, they should trap Voldemort there and then un-need it, so he is warped into hyperspace.
Cho helps too! That lassie, that accent is sexy, like Fat Bastard. Snape’s enforcers are the guy from The Witch, and some lady. They die in moments, McGonagall just outright murders them, and sends the Slytherins to a concentration camp. Minerva Delano Roosevelt.
Ron opens the motherfucking Chamber of Secrets by speaking Parseltongue, retroactively ruining HP 2. He is suddenly competent, and not an overall buffoon who couldn’t even transmogrify a rat into a cup. And Hermiome can ride a broomstick like a boss, but can’t get it up.
To finally pad the runtime, besides the cameos, there is the scene on the white King’s Cross station. The ethereal version, without the filth and cellphone cover shops.
The cameos are flying left and right. Main characters are almost cameos, this is filled to the brim. Kelly “No Country for Old Men” MacDonald is wasted on a basic cameo just saying a riddle to Harry. And I was thinking where did I saw that Katie Bell girl, it’s from The Basil Brush Show, that’s a blast from the past.
And the fucking self-congratulatory wordsmith words, from Albus, or Aslan, or whatever. That’s also ripped off from The Matrix Reloaded, on the subway station. He says “Don’t pity the dead, pity the living”. I pity the fool that thinks so highly of herself as Joanna.
In the end, Harry survived because he was an Horcrux, so all the possible mistakes in the past, near misses, it’s all explained. He then has the three Deathly Hallows, but gives away the stone, for it’s fake and leads to depression, and gives away the wand, because he doesn’t really want power. He’s like Hillary Clinton, status quo is good, we just need to defeat Trumpemort and all is good.
Malfoy has evil in the name, but he’s basically a Mosley, sure his father was an actual Nazi (which tried to murder Harry back in HP 2), but he went to Oxford. It’s a small club, and he’s in it!
The Harry Potter Overton window includes Nazis, that big tent is enormous. And nobody ever marries a Muggle either!
Neville is also a centrist, he doesn’t even tries to torture Bellatrix to death when he gets the chance. For all the talk about emotions, everyone keeps a stiff upper lip, like any public school English boy.
Yes, I know JK Rowling doesn’t like to be addressed by “Joanna”, I’m deadnaming her on purpose.
This is my place for ramblings about sequences of images that exploit the human visual limitation know as persistence of vision.