X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Pure unbridled dross, in every sense. You can tell by the credits, what do you mean will.i.am is top billed? How come the CGI is so shitty, what the hell? Is this an Asylum film, with A-listers?
I’m not even going to pretend to understand comic book logic, but how come Deadpool dies? Then he is alive in the other films, but without the Cyclops laser eyes and teleportation powers?
Speaking of that, how does those work? Sometimes, the lasers are controllable, other times, it’s a kill sat. And why simple coloured glasses stop it, I though he needed those fancy hi-tech ones? And why does Professor X, friend of all mutants, only talk with Cyclops, while the other kids are shitting themselves, following some forest man they never met.
And who the fuck is Victor, is he a low rent Beast alternative? He is not blue, but the rest of the powers seem the same.
I even erased Kevin Durand’s fat bastard from my mind, where the plot stops for some reason…
Wait, what? Sabretooth is Wolverine’s brother? Is this ever mentioned in X-Men proper?
Hydrochlorothiazide (…) would instead lose control of their bowels
This would be hilarious, and the tone of the film is so bonkers, it wouldn’t feel so out there.
This is my place for ramblings about sequences of images that exploit the human visual limitation know as persistence of vision.