Archive for Tag Jean-Claude Van Damme
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Die Hard in a Stadium, but with some extra heart. This is by far the best Jean-Claude Van Damme film, the fight scenes are closer to Jackie Chan in variety. Hell, every setup pays off in the future, like clockwork.
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Oh god, this has too much Jean-Claude Van Damme attempts at acting, and not enough roundhouse kicks. There’s a HAL ripoff, and they even lift scenes from 2001, where the ‘puter is listening about his own demise across a window and goes rogue.
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Jesus fucking Christ, this barely has any Van Damme or Dolph Lundgren in it, but has maybe over a minute of a strobing full screen white light. Should have trigger warnings. It’s also too porn-adjacent, both the violence and the old fashioned kind, usually mixed together.
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Moses meets Batman, but with much more fistfights. My god, Trump mentioned by name in the first 15 minutes! There’s too much gunplay for a pure Jean-Claude Van Damme picture.
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That’s the third film in a row where Van Damme gets buck naked and doesn’t actually fuck the girl, he really was the Tom Cruise of his day.
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Another extremely homoerotic Van Damme film, it’s almost Black Mama White Mama. But this is more bisexual, the female lead is no beard. And this music, it’s preposterous!
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What the hell, this is the gayest shit I have ever seen since Top Gun’s volleyball scene. Very progressive, since it’s based on a “true story”.
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Christ, that’s intense. Like a not so good version of Solomon Kane, same vibes but less production values.