Archive for February 2019

17 posts from 02 to 25 February 2019.

  • Prisoners

    Random guy tries to take justice into his own hands, fails spectacularly. Buying shit off Alex Jones is no substitute for community.

  • Spectre

    A “modern” Bond spiked with most of the stupidity of old Blofeld shit. Retcons all the previous villains into a sinister organisation, retroactively ruining them.

  • Mary, Queen of Scots

    A good biopic, sexually charged but not too much. Good, but not Oscar material.

  • The A-Team

    Not preposterous enough to raise above mediocrity. I forget this was so topical. The team is in Iraq (Baghdad), the bad guys are the CIA and the Blackwater expys.

  • The Lady Vanishes

    The 1979 version. This was a remake of a Hitchcock classic, and was trashed by critics.

  • Jackie

    A slow motion descent into a personal hell, courtesy of Jacqueline Kennedy. This is painful to watch, the slow pacing helps to imagine how terrible those first hours post JFK assassination must have been.

  • Capharnaüm

    Really puts a human face into the so called “economic migrants” we hear so much about. If this can’t shift policy, nothing can.

  • Daughter of God

    Stars off as a simple “Ana de Armas in many costumes” drama, but starts progressively weirder until it clicks, and from there you can see the ending, which is fucked up.

  • The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

    LotR with dwarves! The payoff where the party splits up, fights loads and loads of battles, and resolves are tested and found not wanting.

  • The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    LotR with dwarves! The climax, where the party reaches their goal, awakens the dragon, and resolves are tested again.

  • The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

    LotR with dwarves! The setup, where the party is assembled, information is gathered, and the resolves are tested.

  • The Equalizer

    John Wick for even more middle-class middle-aged men. The big showdown is in a Home Depot, for crying out loud. He even turns a whore into a wholesome girl.

  • Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

    Bare chested villain attempts (and fails) to exact REVENGEE! on Kirk. Khan has a truly preposterous outfit. Pretty ballsy to kill off Spock on the second film…

  • Parkland

    The Passion of Christ: American Edition. JFK’s death is treated with more reverence than any other event human in history. This is a liturgical film, much more religious than everything Mel Gibson has directed, except the religion is American Exceptionalism.

  • The Salvation

    Oily western that doesn’t let its amateurish CGI brighten its dark soul. Nearly everybody dies, and the living are left broken beyond words.

  • The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists!

    Victoria Regina is part of a secret society of world leaders (most of them are actually her vassals) aiming to eat meat from all endangered species. Darwin is trying to curry favour with Vicky, ‘cause he wants poontang. Pirates who don’t do anything have a pet dodo. Will it blend?

  • Star Trek: The Motion Picture

    “The Motionless Picture” is an apropos nickname. Even the action sequences are slow paced. It seems to be a direct sequel to the show, so they know you know what they know; I don’t know.