Archive for May 2026
18 posts from 01 to 31 May 2026.
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That’s the third film in a row where Van Damme gets buck naked and doesn’t actually fuck the girl, he really was the Tom Cruise of his day.
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Alien under the sea, but more conventional, and with Predator sounds. There’s also a kaiju coming from a Breach, but no Jaegers. Deep Blue Sea without the funny stuff.
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Another extremely homoerotic Van Damme film, it’s almost Black Mama White Mama. But this is more bisexual, the female lead is no beard. And this music, it’s preposterous!
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The mood for love is abject depression, it seems. A lot is Lost in Translation, but what is above the surface is catnip for arthouse types. Foreigners talking about love, without an happy ending? Sign me up.
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What the hell, this is the gayest shit I have ever seen since Top Gun’s volleyball scene. Very progressive, since it’s based on a “true story”.
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This is the saddest of bad films, where the premise is such a failure, that not even the incredible amount of talent can extract anything other than visuals and some show reels out of it.
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Uuu, an anthology of separate shorts, without any overlap other than involving descendants of African people.
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A star studded cast does a small Rosemary’s Baby, with all the trappings of those old horror films, from credits to glacial pace to build tension. It’a super effective.
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This is a bit disjointed, it has so much cool visuals it gets a pass. Feels like a pilot for a TV show that never came. At least there’s a Director’s Cut.
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The Big Apple meets The Big Sleep and The Big Lebowski. Maybe modern Nazi Punks Fuck Off, but they speak Yiddish, so maybe not? Revenge of the 90’s.
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The cold open involves the protagonists failing to disarm a bomb. Suck it Nolan, you were not the first to demolish a building. This is a deep lore release, filled with little nods and massive self rip offs.
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Fine, a good director deserves a break from brilliance, this is like an inside joke for particular people in the audience (or himself). Like the protagonist does, and then nobody laughs, not even the object of that joke. Just stunned silence.
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The one with the Afrikaans bad guys, where Mel Gibson does a mock Nazi salute and calls them “Aryan” and “Adolf”. How ironic.
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Wait a second, this is the opening scene? Recreating The Most Beautiful Suicide of Evelyn McHale on the Empire State Building? I thought this was a comedy, not Crash during Christmas!
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Toshiba British Intelligence: Spying for You, and literally laughing in the face of Cameron are enough hold up the while film. And with a literal Bond girl Rosamund Pike.
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This hold up extremely well, being based around slapstick and vicious self deprecating humour around the protagonist, plus relentless mocking the French.
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This not so stealthy Scientology putdown is brought to you by the Weinstein company and Larry Ellison’s (less bad) kid. I guess the new money doesn’t like old school grifters, but they are equally vulnerable to the new ones.
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As the name implies, this is a truly forgettable sci-fi action film. 2001, Event Horizon, then Terminator and The Prestige. Don’t forget about 1984, there’s Victoria and Julia duking it out.
