Archive for 2026
81 posts from 02 January to 09 May 2026.
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Wait a second, this is the opening scene? Recreating The Most Beautiful Suicide of Evelyn McHale on the Empire State Building? I thought this was a comedy, not Crash during Christmas!
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Toshiba British Intelligence: Spying for You, and literally laughing in the face of Cameron are enough hold up the while film. And with a literal Bond girl Rosamund Pike.
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This hold up extremely well, being based around slapstick and vicious self deprecating humour around the protagonist, plus relentless mocking the French.
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This not so stealthy Scientology putdown is brought to you by the Weinstein company and Larry Ellison’s (less bad) kid. I guess the new money doesn’t like old school grifters, but they are equally vulnerable to the new ones.
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As the name implies, this is a truly forgettable sci-fi action film. 2001, Event Horizon, then franchise:Terminator and The Prestige. Don’t forget about 1984, there’s Victoria and Julia duking it out.
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A subdued thriller, filled with moral ambiguities that muddle the water so much, it almost ruins the characters. It’s pretty, but could have used a bit more dialogue.
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Misery loves company, I’m talking about the sow specifically. Kathy Bates is simply incredible, better than that other film with JJ Abrams swearing.
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I’m pretty sure this started with some The Thing fan scrolled Facebook and ended up on one of those couple accounts, and just took to the next level.
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This is bog standard copaganda, aping NYPD Blue, or one of the Bellisario shows, without the grit. But it’s written by a local former cop (or something), there’s opportunity for unintended comedy.
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Oh my, is this a roman à cléf? Channing Tatum is clearly Epstein, and Geena Davis is Ghislane Maxwell. One Day, Everyone Will Have Always Been Against This.
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Seeing this now feels like unearthing the Tutankhamun’s sarcophagus, it’s so removed from the current reality, from all sides. But it even works as a pure drama, coming back home to meet the parents packs some extremely emotional punches.
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Can’t believe males claiming they can beat Serena Williams is over 50 years old. Another American centrist film where the real deal is the middle ground between equality and bigotry. Just demanding equality is radical, trust the process.
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I can see why this was less popular, it’s less focus on the mythos dross, leaning more and more into the morality tale.
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Nhe, now Gordon from the first film survived? And the opening is a public saw-off with a big boobed girl being cut in half by the two boys she is two timing. Back to crapitude.
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Very well, killing a Nazi with Totenkopft tatoos in the cold open, you have my attention. Not very inventive, but OK, I’ll take antifa propaganda from anyone. Then it’s Saw II again, a bunch of people hating together, for a few minutes.
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Ok, so Jigsaw is actually dead for real, they start with an autopsy just to prove there’s no retcons up their sleeve. Is that motherfucking male frontal nudity I see? In my mainstream horror?
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James Gunn does one for the money, this is much less interesting than the last time.
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Another bona fide Western, in the modern sense of end of an era, always a bunch of older grizzled veterans realising it was the bitter enemies they did along the way that gnaw away at your soul, even all that prime real estate is not worth it.
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This inherits the same problems from Fincher’s film, and adds new ones. The cast gets better because they lost budget, so they get the best European actors to cameo, plus Lakeith Stansfield as NSA Seal Team 6.
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This is the quintessential American film, counter culture but the cop is the hero, protagonist-centred morality, due process is a wash when confronted with a square-jawed white rich guy.
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Is this… a PG-13 sex thriller? A contradiction in terms, only American hypocrisy can sustain this irony. It’s actually a remake of some Dutch film, hopefully with actual skin, you wouldn’t want things to get dreary, would you?.
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A pointless origin story for a Maniac with chainsaw and human skin face mask. Stop trying to make empathise with Ed Gein!
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A much more raw and gritty version of Brick, without the trapings of high school, just economically depressed outer suburbs. There’s a legit sub-plot about marriage across minority lines, and ironic far-right rants by the very same Others, with fairer skin.
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Wait, this is about a weird mix of Iran and Egypt (because all ancient civilisations are Egypt), filtered through a Christianizing machine that is modern superhero films.
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This is even better than the last one, you got four titans duking it out in the acting department. Maybe I’m the shmuck for never having seen any Streisand film. Licorice Pizza coming up.
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The one following The Ring plot. With Kevin Hart at his regular.
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This reversed “remake” of Father of the Bride is much better than that. It truly is hilarious, but not in a shallow way, it has more depth in most of its characters.
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This has larger budget, so they have more “real” washout actors, besides the usual cast. Don’t worry, the poop jokes are safe. The people that died in the last film are back too, fuck continuity, this is like The Simpsons if every episode was a Treehouse of Horror.
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Can confirm Martin Landau on the damn pool octopus scene steals the show, and it’s even better when it’s freaking Martin Landau. Vincent D’Onofrio appears in a dream cameo, without his own voice! And Sarah Jessica Parker in a real role, complaining about being horse-faced.
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Make RoboCop Leftist Again. Nazi Punks Fuck Off. OCP: Opressor Capitalist Pigs. At the same time, keep it goofy.
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Oof, a romcom where the main character watches his less impressive pals meet their soulmates, while he pins for the Manic Pixie Dream Girl. She doesn’t care about the middle class life, she wants to be a trust fund kid.
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Mob killers are deep Christian people too, they can have their priest lie under oath to get them out, and they live happily for about a couple years.
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A wholesome, non-cynic semi-hard sci-fi film, for the Internet-native teens. Even better than The Martian, Gosling is simply a better actor. Fist my bump.
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My god, this is so bad. It’s the worst parts of fan fiction,
#girlboss, and TikTok generation bullshit. They even bring out the Sarah Michelle Gellar AI slop (or Buffy is a literal vampire and did not change in 30 years). -
A truly low rent “thriller” with some dogshit political implications for some reason. Direct-to-Streaming truly is the new direct-to-video.
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This is extremely weird, the comedy skits do not completely gel with the rest of extreme hardcore drama. It works well as a pure drama, not sure why they cut it down with the comedy, is this Marvel shit?
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This is allegedly for kids, but there are enormous amounts of parental bonuses. Besides the girl’s costumes, I mean. Wait, this was written by James “Guardians of the Galaxy” Gunn?
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Top notch ZAZ. This is so filled to the brim with jokes, there are jokes within jokes. During the skeet surfing sequence, there’s “Time Permitting Frank Sinatra”.
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I mean, “Seth”, really? And his friend is “Evan”? Come on, make this autobiographies a little less on the nose. I’m pretty sure Rogen was more like the dweeb friend. It’s an Apatow film written by Seth Rogen, so you know what you will get.
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Perfect, no notes. It overcomes it’s meta self-referential crutches, when it soars over a more relatable family drama. Siblings are the best.
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This is not Bridesmaids, there’s no plot, and while Melissa McCarthy is hilarious, Sandra Bullock is not a good straight woman. Lenina Huxley is not wholesome enough.
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Nihilism incarnate, literally just some Vines and corresponding reaction shots. I got to admit, I skimmed this, it’s as bad as I imagined. It’s the laughs, that dark triad laughs, that disgust me the most.
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Is this a joke? Are they parodying the romcom genre or is this the prototypical one, without any hint of any subversion whatsoever? Should have formed a polycule.
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Cronenberg adapting a graphical novel is really great, he only injects body horror in small parts, the rest of the plot is scarier. The reverse Sicario, Alejandro really wants to repent.
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A more stereotypical Bergman, goading his wife not to speak for the whole film. This is all subtext, no text. So this is where Fincher nicked Fight Club from, including the single frame with an erect cock, what a blowhard.
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It’s motherhood season out here. The Chronology of Water, Die My Love, and now this. This pays its dues to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind too. Hole-y unsane.
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Predator: Comanche. The protagonist gets thrown around a veritable meat grinder, until the predator goes down in the mud, reversing of the original film.
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What if Bourne had less chemistry between the leads, more actors phoning it in, more shitty CGI, and more Rohypnol. The last spurts of Arnon Milchan’s career, good riddance.
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The alternative to The Office, where David Brent is made redundant after 25 years but he actually likes the work, it has meaning to him. He doesn’t want to tour in a band.
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How did this collaboration came up? It’s spoken in three languages at least: Portuguese, Icelandic, and English to cross the language barrier.
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It’s no Upstart Crow, jusk like modern “biopics”, it leaves so much of the information outside the subtext, let alone the text. Fitting that Spielberg produces another film about daddy issues.
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Oh noes, space weather affected the Space Shuttle, so they need to rescue the space astronauts. Jean Grey sucks the space goo into her space body, but it seems she absorbed it all, just got a little bit weary for a while. No space cooties, OR IS IT?
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The X-Men lore is shot to hell anyway, who gives a shit about what happens here? I’m just here for J-Law. Bryan Singer does Denial from the Nazi side.
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Shane Black does it again. This is hilarious, Val Kilmer should have won an Oscar for this gay private dick. Derringer in the balls, “homophobes never search there”. It’s like The Nice Guys, without the kid.
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Let’s just say, I now understand why Stalin loved the John Ford films. Ideologically, this is absolutely hideous, borderline un-American in the deconstruction of a classic Western tale.
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I’m shocked at this cast! Peter “Battleship” Berg as the fucking lead, what the fuck is this? Nepo baby Mitch “The X-Files” Pileggi as the mad killer? Fucking Dr. Timothy Leary as a televangelist that gets punched in the face?
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Some supremely talented people doing their best to bring to life a not really good rom com. The individual scenes are good, but not the overarching plot. It’s sad, really.
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Oh, this is bad all right. So many tit-based “gags”. Poor Lucy Punch, she even does a “perfect” American accent. She has the best line: “Shut the FRONT DOOR”!
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This is a high-concept gunk movie, with kids. It kinda works, but there are some ham-fisted decisions that make it falter. It should have polished its stakes a bit more.
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Nazis Punks, Fuck Off! This was filmed around Portland, for an even more realistic environs. The script is barebones, but serviceable. I guess the antifa Hollywood forgot to promote this avowed leftist film.
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Supreme quality, no question about it. Gotta eat my hat, the hype was worth it. Still think One Battle After Another is better, but this is incredible.
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From the guy from Nocebo, here’s another (previous) horror film with some extremely on the nose subtext. This time it’s personal, it’s all about the suburban proletariat.
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This is a much sillier remake of Escape from New York, with much less budget, as if it that is possible. Not for lack of ambition, they cram so much stuff into a small film.
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This is almost an epic movie for first time director Kristen Stewart, following large parts of the life of some pitiful girl, as she turns into a fully grown woman, with some setbacks.
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This is supremely silly, but po-faced, there’s not much humour to match the preposterous action sequences. “He doesn’t look like a killing machine. Looks like he’s in a boyband”. How meta. Almost as hilarious as Colbert’s “beef” with Rain.
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Is this official fan fiction? The Bible themes fit to a T. Zombies are metaphors again, I liked it better than the last one. The “In the House - In a Heartbeat” song still slaps, as much as the massive floppy dongs in full view.
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Depressing song and dance, featuring very uplifting music. I wouldn’t raise a baby in the sticks either, away from civilisation, it takes a village.
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The one with the massive and endless battle in Minas Tirith, with the olyphaunt, where the ghosts save the day. Then they go for yet another massive battle. Frodo chucks the ring into the lava, after dozens of fake-out attempts, then there are infinite epilogues.
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The big one, with the return of the wizard, wargs, a princess flirting with Aragorn while he dismisses her, Wormtongue whispering foul words to the king, and the trees flooding Isengard.
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There, and back again. The one with the disappearing Bilbo, all the Hobbit references, all the memes, and Boromir being turned into Saint Sebastian.
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Those first 30 minutes are insane, but it cannot sustain it for all the 180 minutes. The soundtrack is bitching, you gotta hand it to these musical fellows.
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An update on what seems a very old plot, which remains steadfast on extremely outdated politics. The period piece element is great, and so are the actors.
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The production values are so shitty, the kerning on the initial credits is amateur hour. Includes some Tony Todd cameos, for continuity.
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This is absolutely ridiculous, but doesn’t cross the second line into absolutely bonkers. It remains sadly grounded in jingoism, bad one liners, and stupid camera movements.
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Took their sweet time, just get it over with. A marathon of this is simply too painful, after HP 4 it’s all a blur, just going through the motions.
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The one with the wedding, a lot of PolyJuice, the wood-trotting, then no more Dobby (their version of Porg, with cute boots). Sadface.
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The one with all the snogging, Snape’s Potions book, and dead Dumbledore. Draco’s got the big acting to do, sadly.
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The one with Cho, the Glasgow lassie. And all the stuff with Dumbledore’s Army, Umbridge and the big battle in the Ministry. The first of the boring-ass samey grimdark BS.
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The one with the deadly teenage tournament.
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“Ye’re a wizard, ‘Arry!”. The big one, the one that started it all, from the director of Home Alone.
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The one with the hippogriff, the Knight Bus, time travel, and humour! Remember when Harry Potter was funny and whimsical?
