Archive for 2026
39 posts from 02 January to 28 February 2026.
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Is this a joke? Are they parodying the romcom genre or is this the prototypical one, without any hint of any subversion whatsoever? Should have formed a polycule.
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Cronenberg adapting a graphical novel is really great, he only injects body horror in small parts, the rest of the plot is scarier. The reverse Sicario, Alejandro really wants to repent.
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A more stereotypical Bergman, goading his wife not to speak for the whole film. This is all subtext, no text. So this is where Fincher nicked Fight Club from, including the single frame with an erect cock, what a blowhard.
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It’s motherhood season out here. The Chronology of Water, Die My Love, and now this. This pays its dues to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind too. Hole-y unsane.
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Predator: Comanche. The protagonist gets thrown around a veritable meat grinder, until the predator goes down in the mud, reversing of the original film.
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What if Bourne had less chemistry between the leads, more actors phoning it in, more shitty CGI, and more Rohypnol. The last spurts of Arnon Milchan’s career, good riddance.
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The alternative to The Office, where David Brent is made redundant after 25 years but he actually likes the work, it has meaning to him. He doesn’t want to tour in a band.
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How did this collaboration came up? It’s spoken in three languages at least: Portuguese, Icelandic, and English to cross the language barrier.
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It’s no Upstart Crow, jusk like modern “biopics”, it leaves so much of the information outside the subtext, let alone the text. Fitting that Spielberg produces another film about daddy issues.
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Oh noes, space weather affected the Space Shuttle, so they need to rescue the space astronauts. Jean Grey sucks the space goo into her space body, but it seems she absorbed it all, just got a little bit weary for a while. No space cooties, OR IS IT?
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The X-Men lore is shot to hell anyway, who gives a shit about what happens here? I’m just here for J-Law. Bryan Singer does Denial from the Nazi side.
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Shane Black does it again. This is hilarious, Val Kilmer should have won an Oscar for this gay private dick. Derringer in the balls, “homophobes never search there”. It’s like The Nice Guys, without the kid.
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Let’s just say, I now understand why Stalin loved the John Ford films. Ideologically, this is absolutely hideous, borderline un-American in the deconstruction of a classic Western tale.
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I’m shocked at this cast! Peter “Battleship” Berg as the fucking lead, what the fuck is this? Nepo baby Mitch “The X-Files” Pileggi as the mad killer? Fucking Dr. Timothy Leary as a televangelist that gets punched in the face?
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Some supremely talented people doing their best to bring to life a not really good rom com. The individual scenes are good, but not the overarching plot. It’s sad, really.
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Oh, this is bad all right. So many tit-based “gags”. Poor Lucy Punch, she even does a “perfect” American accent. She has the best line: “Shut the FRONT DOOR”!
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This is a high-concept gunk movie, with kids. It kinda works, but there are some ham-fisted decisions that make it falter. It should have polished its stakes a bit more.
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Nazis Punks, Fuck Off! This was filmed around Portland, for an even more realistic environs. The script is barebones, but serviceable. I guess the antifa Hollywood forgot to promote this avowed leftist film.
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Supreme quality, no question about it. Gotta eat my hat, the hype was worth it. Still think One Battle After Another is better, but this is incredible.
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From the guy from Nocebo, here’s another (previous) horror film with some extremely on the nose subtext. This time it’s personal, it’s all about the suburban proletariat.
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This is a much sillier remake of Escape from New York, with much less budget, as if it that is possible. Not for lack of ambition, they cram so much stuff into a small film.
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This is almost an epic movie for first time director Kristen Stewart, following large parts of the life of some pitiful girl, as she turns into a fully grown woman, with some setbacks.
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This is supremely silly, but po-faced, there’s not much humour to match the preposterous action sequences. “He doesn’t look like a killing machine. Looks like he’s in a boyband”. How meta. Almost as hilarious as Colbert’s “beef” with Rain.
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Is this official fan fiction? The Bible themes fit to a T. Zombies are metaphors again, I liked it better than the last one. The “In the House - In a Heartbeat” song still slaps, as much as the massive floppy dongs in full view.
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Depressing song and dance, featuring very uplifting music. I wouldn’t raise a baby in the sticks either, away from civilisation, it takes a village.
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The one with the massive and endless battle in Minas Tirith, with the olyphaunt, where the ghosts save the day. Then they go for yet another massive battle. Frodo chucks the ring into the lava, after dozens of fake-out attempts, then there are infinite epilogues.
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The big one, with the return of the wizard, wargs, a princess flirting with Aragorn while he dismisses her, Wormtongue whispering foul words to the king, and the trees flooding Isengard.
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There, and back again. The one with the disappearing Bilbo, all the Hobbit references, all the memes, and Boromir being turned into Saint Sebastian.
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Those first 30 minutes are insane, but it cannot sustain it for all the 180 minutes. The soundtrack is bitching, you gotta hand it to these musical fellows.
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An update on what seems a very old plot, which remains steadfast on extremely outdated politics. The period piece element is great, and so are the actors.
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The production values are so shitty, the kerning on the initial credits is amateur hour. Includes some Tony Todd cameos, for continuity.
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This is absolutely ridiculous, but doesn’t cross the second line into absolutely bonkers. It remains sadly grounded in jingoism, bad one liners, and stupid camera movements.
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Took their sweet time, just get it over with. A marathon of this is simply too painful, after HP 4 it’s all a blur, just going through the motions.
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The one with the wedding, a lot of PolyJuice, the wood-trotting, then no more Dobby (their version of Porg, with cute boots). Sadface.
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The one with all the snogging, Snape’s Potions book, and dead Dumbledore. Draco’s got the big acting to do, sadly.
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The one with Cho, the Glasgow lassie. And all the stuff with Dumbledore’s Army, Umbridge and the big battle in the Ministry. The first of the boring-ass samey grimdark BS.
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The one with the deadly teenage tournament.
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“Ye’re a wizard, ‘Arry!”. The big one, the one that started it all, from the director of Home Alone.
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The one with the hippogriff, the Knight Bus, time travel, and humour! Remember when Harry Potter was funny and whimsical?