Archive for Release Year: 2010
30 posts from 12 March 2016 to 21 November 2024.
-
Salt is a crappy version of Bourne.
-
Bog-standard comic book adaptation. Not even worth to hate.
-
Tragedy strikes a perpetual optimist, then unsurprisingly he comes out on top.
-
Follows the stories of three salaryman, unsurprisingly.
-
The one about the cardinal sins. Throw in a science strawman to be torn apart.
-
White trash struggles to live, while the universe conspires against them.
-
If being befuddled and lost while pretty colours parade around my eyes and Alice gets PG-naked several times was the point, this has achieved its purpose.
-
Ludonarrative Dissonance: The Film. Yet another childish comic book adaptation that pretends to be edgy by using cuss words.
-
Bog standard, formulaic rom com with swear words. Poor Jay Baruchel. This is so predictable you can almost use it a clock.
-
Boner pill commercials masquerading as the Boogie Nights of romantic comedies.
-
Not preposterous enough to raise above mediocrity. I forget this was so topical. The team is in Iraq (Baghdad), the bad guys are the CIA and the Blackwater expys.
-
A very derivative sci-fi action movie, but in a good way. Rips off the best parts from other films, and blends it with a inspired soundtrack. Perfect film to be introduced to the genre, particularly for an impressionable teenager like myself.
-
A classic crisscrossed cheating conundrum. Everyone gets out of it worse than it entered. Mostly…
-
The American Film Company casts dozens of lobsterbacks for another historical reenactment of Sic Semper Tyranis. It also has greased lenses for the indoor scenes…
-
Fucking war. War never changes. In this case, the changes were significant.
-
Fake Bostonians robbing banks and emotionally destroying a poor bank manager. Give it up, Ben, you ain’t no working class dude, let alone from the projects. Jimmy Renner is less fake than ye!
-
Another serious-ish small-town-freaking-sucks film, but with jokes. Has David Brent as the working class patriarch (insert Gervais giggle). In a scale of The Town to Straw Dogs, this is about a 2 in the cosmopolitrometer.
-
Good grief, the sound mix is truly awful. You can’t hear the dialogue, if you try to raise the volume your ears will be split on the explosions. I can see why teenage me thought this was the best thing since sliced bread: teenage me was dumb.
-
This is a low key caper, so low key it even ends in a cliffhanger. Nothing is resolved, but it’s the journey that counts. Worth it for all but Keanu, he’s not cut out for this.
-
Good old Vicky gothic horror, with all the ingredients: ghastly blood and guts, burly men with guns powerless against evil, and last but not least, sexual proclivities which should scare any proper lady.
-
A posse of Coen actors casually creates one of the best westerns ever, providing The Dude with another character for the ages.
-
Like a fine wine, it gets better with age. The soundtrack is incredible. Not to be confused with Repo: The Genetic Opera, which is also great for different reasons.
-
Not a very good adaption, but it’s not that bad as a standalone film. It’s light comedy, ironically much, MUCH, tamer than the book itself. Maybe I’m just sucker for Emily Blunt.
-
Chris Columbus directs another kids’ movie, age-adjusted Home Alone. The PG13-ness is preposterous, satyrs having sex must be implied, but chopping off Medusa’s head can be seen directly.
-
Not Pussy Galore. Marsden does his best Ryan Reynolds impression, or maybe that’s how all Canadians sound like.
-
A good version of Suicide Squad and The Suicide Squad. This has a fantastic cold opening, you are literally dropped into the action, with miniguns rolling in the first minutes. The titular Predators don’t appear until the last half, and they remain bad hunters.
-
This is a Mexican, not a Mexican’t. Just the right amount of silly over-the-top B-movie schlock, mixed with hardcore politics. Canonically a part of the Spy Kids universe.
-
More derivative Resident Evil films. Yes Paul, I have seen The Matrix, Children of Men, and The Island. It’s called afterlife because the cast comes back even though they died.
-
Good god, this is a single page script, stretched to feature length. Add Sean Bean (playing twins!) and a pre-fame Hemsworth, and you get a “film”.
-
This is truly the Citizen Kane of our time, but it’s only accidentally brilliant. Know idiot and delusional Aaron Sorkin tries to suck Zuckerberg’s cock while maintaining eye contact all the time, but it backfires and both look like absolute idiots.