Archive for Release Year: 2012

28 posts from 26 February 2023 to 28 May 2017.

  • Lo impossible

    Yet another feel-horrible tale of lucky people in a tragedy.

  • The Avengers

    It was too hot to think today, so I watch these Avengers, and not the other, more interesting, film with Sean Connery in a Teddy Bear costume.

  • Magic Mike

    Beefcakes are sensitive people too, beneath those massive layers of muscle.

  • Síndrome de Estocolmo

    A scathing satire of Portuguese society. The script writer was a classy troll, and the fact that this was greenlit by the biggest broadcast network only makes it even funnier.

  • Cloud Atlas

    Another “unfilmable” story turned into a great film. That moniker looks like a dare.

  • Mirror Mirror

    Another [Snow White](Snow White: Fairest of them All){:.inner-link} adaptation, but fun and colourful.

  • Jagten

    A great film for our times. Paranoia leads to witch hunts which lead to wrecked communities. A great companion piece to Doubt.

  • Argo

    Plain old CIA propaganda, with a touch of Hollywood trademark self-deprecation. Feels like U-571. Like everything CIA pumps out, it includes prominently that wall with a star for each KIA agent.

  • Red Dawn

    North Korea invades California. Using HMMWV. What?

  • The Dark Knight Rises

    FFS, one of the worst endings I have ever seen. Batman is prepared for everything, but truly everything? All the fuss about making sacrifices for the people to nought, since the Bats wins everything in the end.

  • House at the End of the Street

    Just another crap horror film. It would have directly to the bargain bin, but Jennifer Lawrence became a bankable star right at the same time.

  • Spring Breakers

    The missing Saints Row 3 adaptation, with some introspection casually thrown into the mix.

  • Chronicle

    Teens find a hole with a superpowers-granting machine and have to deal with the fallout of being too immature for the power they wield. Pretty interesting take on the superhero genre.

  • Skyfall

    The Bond origin story that no one was pining for.

  • Seven Psychopaths

    Meta film in which Martin McDonaugh eviscerates himself, being impersonated by Colin Farrell.

  • Videovigilância

    An ultra depressing film about lowlife Blockbuster Clerks / drug dealers that bite more than they can chew and get their lives kicked down a notch.

  • Jorge

    Standard “drugs are bad” flick. Despite being about heroin addiction, everybody is happy, and after a brief “Kum ba yah” all is good.

  • Sightseers

    The accidental Bonnie and Clyde, except complete cretins. Reaches Nathan Barley levels of idiocy.

  • The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists!

    Victoria Regina is part of a secret society of world leaders (most of them are actually her vassals) aiming to eat meat from all endangered species. Darwin is trying to curry favour with Vicky, ‘cause he wants poontang. Pirates who don’t do anything have a pet dodo. Will it blend?

  • The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

    LotR with dwarves! The setup, where the party is assembled, information is gathered, and the resolves are tested.

  • Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

    What would it happen if Timur watched Van Helsing and thought “This is too demure, I’m turning it to 11”? Probably the first step towards this batshit insane series of images. Crosses the line twice into crazy awesome territory.

  • The Dictator

    Gross out comedy, not very funny. The big palace is just Sevilla’s Grand Square with added Golden domes. This is a Francoist building, fitting.

  • The Hunger Games

    How ironic that this title leads to a resolution is where the protagonists do not eat something. Also, a film for “kids” featuring literal bloodbaths.

  • Operação Outono

    Fucking hell, anotherEstado Novo“-adjacent film with main characters who do no speak Portuguese? Dubbing a General who had such charisma that he forced the regime to rig elections against him, and then bury him in a shallow grave? Enough with the dubs already!

  • End of Watch

    Yet another piece of naked copaganda. The phrase “Thin Blue Line” is uttered unironically. During a voiceover.

  • Underworld: Awakening

    Underworld: Epilepsy. Nearly all florescent light is broken, and flickers like hell.

  • O Frágil Som do Meu Motor

    Cronenbergian body horror, Aronofsky-ish weirdness, and Halloween twisty serial killers, in a single esoteric package. It packs a noir atmosphere, with the requisite police procedural.

  • Jack Reacher

    Ah, I think this is a pretty faithful film noir update. Reacher is a complete asshole, to women, to allies, to everyone. But he’s also the Marty Stu protagonist, impervious to any threats. It’s better when the social mores being violated are from the 50s, he’s just a prick.