Archive for August 2018

23 posts from 04 to 31 August 2018.

  • Without a Clue

    The Sherlock Holmes adaptation where Watson is the brains of the enterprise, Mrs Hudson is the heart and Holmes himself is an ignorant boob.

  • Money Monster

    Not a bad directorial stint for Jodie Foster. The ending is strong on this one…

  • Brick Mansions

    The American remake of Banlieue 13, with less parkour and more Paul Walker punching and shooting people.

  • Zoolander 2

    Completely crazy catwalk of cognate cameos. Creates a cognitive confusion concerning celebrities communications containing cant ciphers, commonly called slang. Neil deGrasse Tyson in da house, bitches!

  • Transporter 2

    Less transporting gets done since the last time.

  • The Transporter

    A very good action film with really inventive fight scenes. Has more in common with the old Jackie Chan films than the usual fight-scene driven drivel, but with a better script.

  • Deception

    A bog standard thriller with the requisite twist and counter twist towards the end.

  • A Mulher que Acreditava ser Presidente dos Estados Unidos da América

    The superior crazy people film. All female cast in which some poor woman deals with mental illness by pretending her neighbourhood in Washington Street is 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

  • Seven Psychopaths

    Meta film in which Martin McDonaugh eviscerates himself, being impersonated by Colin Farrell.

  • A Knight's Tale

    A classic sports plot elevated into greatness by being set in medieval Europe. Probably the only mainstream film that starts with a secondary character violently voiding his own bowels ‘till death (offscreen, of course, this is still Hollywood).

  • Analyse That

    Undoing the character development in the last film for fun and profit.

  • Diamonds are Forever

    One of Bond’s many low points. This is just bad.

  • Analyse This

    Actually pretty funny. The basic plot is good enough, but the script is tight and very well acted. A joy to watch.

  • Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol

    Freaking ace! Brad Bird gets the helm of the Impossible Mission Franchise and proceeds to do a The Incredibles inspired romp that is a joy to watch.

  • Twelve Angry Men

    How come this is so well regarded? It’s nothing more than white dudes talking.

  • Need for Speed

    Laughable waste of resources. A very talented cast doing fuck all, a preposterous script that resembles Yu Gi-Oh and children’s card games, millions of dollars in cars getting wrecked.

  • Skyfall

    The Bond origin story that no one was pining for.

  • The Haunted Mansion

    Light horror for kids. At least that’s how this is sold, but the backstory includes people committing suicide, with on-screen hangings. Just like Pirates of the Caribbean, this was adapted from a Disneyworld ride, except this is dead, Jim.

  • Quantum of Solace

    Back to thin plots layered on copious amounts of action scenes.

  • Casino Royale

    The one where the franchise grows the beard. After dozens of formulaic carbon copies, they graduate to the big boys club.

  • Lo chiamavano Jeeg Robot

    The good remake of The Toxic Avenger, with added anime referenced for good measure.

  • Frozen

    Another competent musical from the Disney assembly line. Professionally Formulaic.

  • Annihilation

    Another Transcendence mindfuck. This one is a more blatant Tarkovsky ripoff, mostly Solaris and Stalker.