Archive for Release Year: 2000

23 posts from 23 April 2024 to 23 May 2017.

  • Tarde Demais

    This is a story about a group of fisherman from the outskirts of Lisbon that sink their boat in the mud in viewing distance from the shore, but since some are weak, old and/or injured, can’t get to safety before tragedy happens.

  • Battlefield Earth

    This is completely laughable film. Ridiculous from start to the end. Written by Hubbard pre-Dianetics, this is free from the pernicious influence of that mind killer.

  • Mission: Impossible 2

    John Woo decides Face/Off was too sane.

  • A Noiva

    Made for TV simplistic take on the colonial war.

  • Monsanto

    PTSD-ridden ex-soldier goes insane after a partner kills himself.

  • Hide and Seek

    Jennifer Tilly is a half retarded maniac wannabe mother. Daryl Hannah is the forced surrogate mother. Together, they are at each other’s throats.

  • Chicken Run

    Clucking great children’s film.

  • Capitães de Abril

    The French version of Carnation Revolution. The director is Portuguese, but it’s completely French. The main characters are played by foreign actors and dubbed by Portuguese actors, without lip sync. That’s just folly.

  • Gossip

    #HimToo. Gossip is fun! I mean, it’s just words, right?

  • Red Planet

    The intro is pretty Z-list, with a exposition filled backstory generation, but the cast saves this from total boredom.

  • Traffic

    So that’s where Alejandro came from. The Juarez cartel and him go way back. He got the baseball field for kids at last. I prefer the other film named Trafic

  • O Fantasma

    The protagonist is fucking in heaven. Fucking, and fucking, and fucking in heaven. I want to fuck more, I want to fuck more…. Beware of the unsimulated fellatios…

  • Boiler Room

    Lovely little Goldman Sachs propaganda piece. All non-SEC traders are grifters, but not the official privateers. No sirree, no funny business at JP Morgan, only at JT Marlin.

  • Gladiator

    The Commodus of Ridley Scott’s career: the past glories are history, he is already over the hill; doesn’t care about (film) grain, only games; butchers the visual parts pretty badly, mostly outside the arena.

  • Maelström

    Villeneuve’s second film. What the fuck was he smoking, so many questions.

  • The Patriot

    Yankees vs Lobsterbacks, with a climax around a nominal Battle of Bunker Hill. It’s never named, because it’s completely fictional, the whole thing is complete balderdash, filtered by Emmerichian lenses.

  • O Brother, Where Art Thou

    This is almost a variety act: singing and dancing is the bulk of it, but there’s also some drama, theatricals, and even space for political points (either more towards philosophy, or straight up politicking).

  • The 6th Day

    A serious, philosophical script about the interplay of science and philosophy, warped by Arnie’s Reality Distortion Field. The big soliloquy on who should play God and decide who lives and dies regarding clones ends with a one-liner “So that you can go fuck yourself”. This might be an improvement.

  • Rules of Engagement

    A much, much crappier version of A Few Good Men. Equally jingoistic, but boring as fuck, with shitty writing. So many fake Americans. Bloated as the Yemeni bodies, there’s even time for a They Live-style wrestle match in the middle.

  • Hollow Man

    Truly an hollow man, before and after turning invisible. The nerds win! The guy in the convertible falls into the fire, while the woman driving the station wagon prevails, with science!

  • The Cell

    Brilliant. Falls a bit short in terms of plot, it just ends abruptly, but more than makes up for it everywhere else. It’s like a human mind: precious but fragile, breaks down if mistreated, or over analysed.

  • Road Trip

    Mother of god, just how many Porky’s-a-like can Hollywood film? Todd “Joker” Phillips directs and licks Amy Smart’s feet on camera, like an even grosser Tarantino.

  • Snatch

    Less a film, more like a series of music videos. The writing grates on the ears, nothing smooth about the quipping, the pattern is quip-reply-repetition-quip-pop song. Cinematic celery, lacks proteins.