Archive for Release Year: 2005

27 posts from 13 November 2024 to 21 January 2017.

  • Saw II

    The gorefest the series is known about.

  • The Headsman

    Here’s an obscure film that shouldn’t embarrass whoever participated on it.

  • Cursed

    Even though the premise is interesting and features womanwolves, which I think it’s a first, not worth it to take everything around it. Even if the werewolf flips the bird at the protagonist.

  • Elektra

    Another superhero film with a script that fits in a single page.

  • Dark Water

    Psycho thriller, Qu’est-ce que c’est? Na na na na na na na na not bad at all.

  • Brokeback Mountain

    More than just gay cowboys.

  • The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

    Four kids, for kids, forked ids.

  • The Brothers Grimm

    Mainstream Gilliam is a mishmash of watchable-by-muggles and just too damn weird.

  • Stay

    Stylish take on the insanity POV genre. This film is a visual masterpiece. The range of camera trickery and editing skill is staggering.

  • V for Vendetta

    A morsel of cinematic candy lacking only a less artificial setting. The overt commercialisation of an “Anarchos Productions Ltd” is also ironic, the system can assimilate anything, neo-liberalism is really the Borg of political ideologies.

  • Transporter 2

    Less transporting gets done since the last time.

  • Sahara

    Uncharted: Matt’s Deception. The reason why there’s no Uncharted film (yet) is because this exists.

  • Constantine

    Yes, this is a run of the mill 90’s anti-hero, with mild The Exorcist flavour. But I still love it, Holy Wars have never been so snarky.

  • Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit

    A classic British tale: working class hero with dough from his job battles a penniless upper class twit for the “melons” of a girl. Many-a cheese types are consumed.

  • Era Uma Vez um Arrastão

    How to spin nothingness into a far-right nativist rallying cry against foreigners, courtesy of a pliant press on a summer weekend.

  • Keeping Mum

    A touching family story, with extra murders. Nanny McPhee or Miss Marple or Mary Poppins as murderesses.

  • Syriana

    This seems like one of those roman-à-clef, based on an old spook’s memoirs.

  • Derailed

    Wait a minute, I saw a variation on this film already, it was called Deception. And it was right around the same time too. Miramax and R ratings, I can’t unsee jacking off into potted plants.

  • Hitch

    Ahh, the “good” old times, where a romcom about PUA was not a cancellable offence. This could be remade with the same script, but turning Will Smith’s character into an Andrew Tate-loving incel. Or have woman involved in the creative process at all.

  • The Constant Gardener

    Pure, hardcore drama, mixing true soulmates and evil bureaucrats sub-sub-sub-contracting death squads on activists writing reports. True love can unite a career foreign office drone with a passion for gardening, and another richer activist/journalist with a knack for pissing off powerful people.

  • I Love Your Work

    I hate this work. This kind of self-referential story, Hollywood talking about itself, replacing actors for trite purposes. A giant cast of talent doing nothingness. At least Seinfeld was funny.

  • War of the Worlds

    Of all the suspension of disbelief, nothing beats Tom Cruise as the blue collar worker that kill the prepper. He would be the first Trump supporter.

  • North Country

    Erin Brokovich with more English actors. I’m afraid of reading more about the case and discover they were all mistreated even more, or that the lawyers hoovered up all the money. I’ll be pissed if they made up the whole thing.

  • Sin City

    An anthology of smaller stories. Harvey Weinstein’s Miramax logo means immediate shudders at the amount of nudity. God, it retroactively ruins so many films.

  • Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith

    No, Lucas, noooo! The retcons, oh the humanity.

  • Batman Begins

    I’m Batman! This is particularly lighthearted and funny, compared to the rest of the series, it retains just a little bit of the camp nature of previous adaptations.

  • The Island

    A childish The Matrix/I, Robot, directed by Michael Bay. Who the fuck wrote this, a 15 year old teenage boy? checks Oh, Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci, yikes! At least in the grimdark future, you can ride a public maglev from Arizona to LA, thanks Elon!