Archive for Release Year: 2014
43 posts from 23 March 2017 to 05 October 2024.
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The grimdark realistic remake of Prince of Egypt that everyone was pinning for.
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This might as well be the quintessential Young Adult novel turned prospective franchise.
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This is the weirdest thing. A big budget Hollywood flick that adapted an obscure Japanese novel featuring mecha and thinly-veiled metaphors for WW2? How this that happen?
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This is a nominal sequel to Frankenstein, the book. Except there are daemons and gargoyles too.
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Yimou Zhang goes minimal and makes a film with only three characters, a nuclear family.
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This is a Bond film as directed by Tarantino, which leads to a black hole of bad taste. At least the villain is interessting.
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Hunger Potter: A Twilight Fan Fiction.
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Insultingly terrible “comedy” staring Nia Vardalos.
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Not as disastrous as it seems.
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A documentary about a documentary about the Nazi concentration camps buried by the British after the war.
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Meta film about a play that was to be adapted into film. Juliette Binoche plays almost herself, being tormented by her lack of youth, personified by Kristen Stewart and Chloë Grace Moretz.
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300 ways of dying in the cradle of western civilisation in which more than 300 ships stop(?) an empire from raising. The title is just stupid. What empire has risen, Persia? Greece ends up united in defeat! Or do they mean the Gondor cavalry at the end actually made a difference? So confusing.
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Neo-Luddites vs Singularity-level AI. Who will win?
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Laughable waste of resources. A very talented cast doing fuck all, a preposterous script that resembles Yu Gi-Oh and children’s card games, millions of dollars in cars getting wrecked.
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The American remake of Banlieue 13, with less parkour and more Paul Walker punching and shooting people.
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Childish BS, what a crock of shit.
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This is what passes for a soft Wes Anderson film. Not something profoundly sad as The Royal Tenenbaums, a fun romp, visually and orally bliss.
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A story that warps around itself so much, it exists on a vacuum. The best metaphor are those Teletubbies pink sludge bowls.
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Not worth it to break my Iñarritu self-imposed ban(it’s not clear on the marketing he’s directing). Not even Naomi Watts can rescue this.
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Good Old Testament scumbag God massacres His creation for the lulz. Humans must decide to stop being submissive or go mad from their actions.
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A faithful adaptation of the seminal XIX century story, but poor in production values and plot. The important plot beats are presented in a matter-of-fact way, for such emotionally powerful moments.
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Oily western that doesn’t let its amateurish CGI brighten its dark soul. Nearly everybody dies, and the living are left broken beyond words.
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John Wick for even more middle-class middle-aged men. The big showdown is in a Home Depot, for crying out loud. He even turns a whore into a wholesome girl.
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LotR with dwarves! The payoff where the party splits up, fights loads and loads of battles, and resolves are tested and found not wanting.
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A failed attempt to make a sort of remake of Braindead, without the budget or the script. It has heart, but no guts.
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Bog standard fantasy action flick, featuring Jeff Bridges as drunk Gandalf/warlock Rooster Cogburn and Julianne Moore as evil half witch, half dragon. For some reason Kit Harrington appears in a cameo, Olivia Williams in a bit part, and Alicia Vikander as the good kind of witch. A CGI fest all around, completely skippable.
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Another ensemble Intellectual Property lollapalooza like Wreck It Ralph, but with Lego. Pretty funny series of gags, but a mediocre film, something like a worse Airplane!.
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Random hodgepodge of stuff about Meredith Kercher, a Briton murdered in Italy. Based on a tabloid writer’s book, so you get what you pay for.
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Middle aged guy lusts for hot PYT, but others bang her hard. Misunderstandings lead to death. The ending is hilarious, just like most of the others scenes.
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The sub-rosa raises above the roses. The Mao Tse-Tung followers assemble in the ruins of a nuked District 13.
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Goes from tasteful Bildungsroman to generic Young Adult big budget conspiracy way too fast. And the body count is way too high to be for kids, there are scenes of literal war where some of their buddies are killed horribly.
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Weird comedic take on the romance genre, but it’s not really a romantic comedy. Just a weird doppelgänger love quadrangle between themselves…
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A fantasy story about a land far, far away, where massive organised protests leads the President of the United States of America to sign a law re-guaranteeing the right to vote to all people. Imagine what could happen if a black president was elected and on his watch there somehow a rollback of these protections, the riots would be immense.
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What the fuck is this? What the fuuu… No, life is too short.
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Stream of consciousness book? The narrator is perma-stoned, so it’s like glimpsing at a larger plot without long-term memory.
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Whaddaya you know, it’s a Paul Schrader film. Of course the protagonist is a jaded older guy, dying, raging at the world for its corruption, greed, general right-wing behaviour. Not as polished as First Reformed, there are too many rants to be accepted as a mainstream affair.
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That was not what I expected from that title. A deep character study about American immigrants, several possible paths for the same starting point. You either die a hero, or live long enough to become a villain, and our protagonist has been around for a long time.
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A bog-standard biopic about a very interesting story of CIA drug dealings, basically vindicated by internal CIA investigations. Of course the guy that re-broke the story killed himself with seven shots on the back…
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This really tricked me into being another fascist interpretation of Saving Private Ryan, bit it’s a much more humane and hopeful film. Doesn’t reach the technical heights of the D-Day landings, but the again, what does?
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My god, the first part has some hilarious shit. It gets really serious in the last 30 minutes, for the conventional reconstruction, but it could have just been the funny parts, structured as a fall from grace into an abyss. It’s self-referential, but broad enough to make sense to most people.
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Narnia for adults, since it deals even more explicitly with death of young girls and children, plus sex, but then it’s PG-13 for no fucking reason whatsoever. Just because it’s magical realism, doesn’t mean it’s for children.