Archive for Release Year: 2014

19 posts from 24 November 2018 to 23 March 2017.

  • Exodus: Gods and Kings

    The grimdark realistic remake of Prince of Egypt that everyone was pinning for.

  • The Adventurer: The Curse of the Midas Box

    This might as well be the quintessential Young Adult novel turned prospective franchise.

  • Edge of Tomorrow

    This is the weirdest thing. A big budget Hollywood flick that adapted an obscure Japanese novel featuring mecha and thinly-veiled metaphors for WW2? How this that happen?

  • I, Frankenstein

    This is a nominal sequel to Frankenstein, the book. Except there are daemons and gargoyles too.

  • Coming Home

    Yimou Zhang goes minimal and makes a film with only three characters, a nuclear family.

  • Kingsman: The Secret Service

    This is a Bond film as directed by Tarantino, which leads to a black hole of bad taste. At least the villain is interessting.

  • Divergent

    Hunger Potter: A Twilight Fan Fiction.

  • Helicopter Mom

    Insultingly terrible “comedy” staring Nia Vardalos.

  • Pompeii

    Not as disastrous as it seems.

  • Night Will Fall

    A documentary about a documentary about the Nazi concentration camps buried by the British after the war.

  • Clouds of Sils Maria

    Meta film about a play that was to be adapted into film. Juliette Binoche plays almost herself, being tormented by her lack of youth, personified by Kristen Stewart and Chloë Grace Moretz.

  • 300: Rise of an Empire

    300 ways of dying in the cradle of western civilization in which more than 300 ships stop(?) an empire from raising. So it’s all lies just in the title.

  • Transcendence

    Neo-Luddites vs Singularity-level AI. Who will win?

  • Need for Speed

    Laughable waste of resources. A very talented cast doing fuck all, a preposterous script that resembles Yu Gi-Oh and children’s card games, millions of dollars in cars getting wrecked.

  • Brick Mansions

    The American remake of Banlieue 13, with less parkour and more Paul Walker punching and shooting people.

  • Ex Machina

    Another Garland high concept film. I really like the portrayal of the nutjob head of a tech giant, very Jobsian. Better than Antitrust.

  • Guardians of the Galaxy

    Childish BS, what a crock of shit.

  • The Grand Budapest Hotel

    This is what passes for a soft Wes Anderson film. Not something profoundly sad as The Royal Tenenbaums, a fun romp, visually and orally bliss.

  • Predestination

    A story that warps around itself so much, it exists on a vacuum. The best metaphor are those Teletubbies pink sludge bowls.