Archive for Release Year: 2017
49 posts from 14 March 2017 to 02 March 2025.
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Boxing is life, and so is debt collection.
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The first part of this made me think this featured a truly alien alien! I started thinking about Solyaris and everything.
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I though this was supposed to be an adaptation. Turns out to be a bog standard modern sci-fi blockbuster.
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Following all Disney properties, this is a completely safe film, all the rough edges sanded out, which turns a supposedly magical story into an anodyne cultural artefact. A mere husk, dead on the inside.
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If Prometheus is like the The Phantom Menace, this is like Revenge of the Sith,
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This is a remake of Open Water 2: Adrift. It’s better than it sounds, but I haven’t seen the original.
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Here’s a 40 years old script that feels ripped from the virtual headlines.
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State of the art visual effects. Testicle-shrivelling details.
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This is a worthy spiritual sequel to The Fifth Element, just lacks a phenomenal main duo. These are merely good.
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A truly cinematic experience that eschews dialogue and characterisation for Stuka sirens and Hans Zimmer horns.
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Aronofsky does Rosemary’s Baby. Requiem for a Dream of pregnancy.
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Not so special K. A worthwhile sequel to a classic.
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A road movie set in the Age of Discoveries. The main character travels through Asia in search of wealth and prestige and ends up shunned by the royalty.
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Fancy-pants light Holmes that makes a competent film out of a great plot.
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From the director of In Bruges comes some fucking film about all the shit going down in America. A bunch of dipshits talking crap and fucking themselves up mutually.
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Hipster bullcrap. A low rent Spring Breakers.
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Taxi Driver meets Silence. The light political stuff is mild, but you can see the Paul Schrader speak through it. Travis Bickle’s youthful rage has turned into elderly depression and sadness for the heirs of his generation.
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A demo reel for Hot Jesus. A box ticking enterprise. Not even worth it to finish the
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A small portal is open into an alternate universe, but we are only allowed to peek at it from afar. Not even worth for those who read the books, I would wager.
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Poe’s Law strikes again. The ambiguous ending only makes the satire more biting. As an extra, there are some Abu Dhabi logos at the start, making it a textbook case of The Man sticking it to The Man. Plus a dig at China! A triple whammy!
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Firebrands Talking at Rallies: The Movie. Tout le Welt parle eine hodgepodge of Zentral Europpéan languages, trés cosmopolitain.
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The film that better captures the green movement and its surrounding politics. It might seem to be about an humanised super pig, but it’s all a ruse.
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Brian seems to be bad part of Neveldine/Taylor. This is execrable bullshit.
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Atomic Blend of John Wick and First Blood (by the jingoism). Atomic Bland exploitation of such a rich time. Atomic Bleat of the greatest hits of ‘89. A tonic bomb, every character is a functional alcoholic.
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This is scary as fuck. The protagonist is always on edge, even on the quiet bits. The final police car is the linchpin of the whole thing, and it falls into the wrong side of the tracks. The non-supernatural elements are scary enough, but I guess there’s Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner for that?
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Another Uncharted live action “adaptation”, Indiana Jones is too old fashioned now. It’s not even on the same league as the Stephen Sommers films.
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Classic review of how crap the Cold War was, Creature From the Black Lagoon or not. You can tell by the first minutes on the bath it’s really a treatise on fucking. Fucking, and fucking, and fucking in heaven.
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The horrible horror retelling. Poor Joel Schumacher, his film was put under and never came back, the weight of all the sins dragged this to the abyss of generic jump scares and power failures.
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Moar shootouts (include video of Burly Brawl).
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A bit too routine for my taste. I think they tried to stick to the books and failed, since the characters are constantly running around and still some things are only lightly touched upon.
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This is awful in so many ways, it’s hard to pin down. The attempt on Heydrich’s life was more successful than this pitiful attempt at a biopic. It’s both very long, and too abbreviated.
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Ocean’s Seven Eleven. ‘em hicks sure ain’t no fools. It would help if Corrections Corporation of America wasn’t a human soul grinder.
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A middle-class middle-of-the-road Bildungsroman.
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Too much mystery, not enough pay off. The first hour is good, but then it loses steam and sputters along until the end. Shame.
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A strange ride. Too many drivers spoil the trip. Just like that jet-powered Beetle, it’s style over substance. Bill Pope is completely wasted.
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A standard spy thriller, Bourne-lite, with evil CIA traitors. It’s just crazy that the bad guy wants to release a weaponized virus so that America legalises “medical martial law”: contact tracing, quarantines, access to medical data.
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This is batshit insane. I think the weirdest part is where a billionaire ran a union shop, the SAG-AFTRA logo is prominent.
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An European version of Snowpiercer, where the villain looks like Cypher from The Matrix until the last reveal. Maybe I’m dumb, but the philosophical stuff very muddled.
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I film about people of low socio-economic class that ruin their (shitty) lives after talking to the FBI. J. Edgar Hoover, continuing to ruin lives beyond the grave.
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Yet another bloated two and half hours snorefest, with a truly preposterous 30 min long silly fight scene in a parking lot. God, it’s so long and painful.
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A story where the ‘Ndrangheta are not the worse villains, at least its an ethos. Worshipping Mammon is the root of all evil.
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King Amleth Moses Pendragon, more like it. It’s IP now, a meaningless label to slap on unsellable dross to make it pop.
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Some kind of direct-to-DVD sci-fi romp, very light on plot, with silly effects. Lee Pace and a Bond girl hit it up, until she drops out of the film (probably dead by the end, it’s ambiguous). Not bad enough to hate.
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Now, that’s another Sicario. What happened Taylor Sheridan, why go from this to dross like Those Who Wish Me Dead? Is it the higher budget? The ego inflation from Sicario itself? I don’t get it.
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I knew it, Kill the Messenger needed some kind of softer human alternative. One with literal cartoon Eagles and Bears battling over the American lebensraum.
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The opening shot is a perfect trailer, a deluge of words, a wall of voice, a barrage of dribble. This is like a centrist Robert Redford film, but instead of focusing on a little guy, it’s some rich and privileged white chick fighting the IRS to keep some blood money.
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Being the housewife of some boring office drone in the suburbs is so boring, it’s enough to have get severe undiagnosed depression. Going on a lone unplanned vacation to Paris doesn’t really help, idiots trying to fuck you also exist over there.
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This just IP, it has barely anything to do with Jumanji. It’s a souped up The Breakfast Club instead, with 30 year olds playing teenagers. In the Jumanji game universe, it’s a non-parody Land of the Lost.