Archive for Release Year: 2015
35 posts from 19 March 2023 to 12 June 2017.
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Puts the ‘fun’ in ‘paedophilia’
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Complete and utter dross, unworthy of this very review. I want to sue Marvel for my time.
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More beefcakes, but softer and funnier. Strips the film down to the basics, namely dry-humping all sorts of women while wearing thongs.
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Hungrier Potter: Revolutions.
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Not so much about start-ups, just another film to add to the long list of Nancy Meyers works.
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Variation on the same themes as The Matrix, with great window dressing. Mila Kunis was not the ideal actress for the lead, but it’s watchable.
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- “Witness me! I am awaited in Valhalla!”
- “MEDIOCRE!!!”
- Faceless Immortan Joe is nasty!
- Furiosa is pretty calm, considering her name. Mad Max is also sane.
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Someone watched the previous films and said “What if this was much more violent but still sold for kids?”. Doesn’t hold a candle to Jurassic Park 3.
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Some films show all their ideas on the title. This one does it on the synopsis.
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90 min long Biting Elbows video clip.
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RealDolls are people too (Incredibly NSFW, you have been warned!).
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The good remake of The Toxic Avenger, with added anime referenced for good measure.
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This started as one of those Christian themed scripts, but someone took a hatchet to it and turned into an abomination of epic proportions. Sinful, without pleasure.
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Simplicity is when you remove all unnecessary features, you get this. A film that’s all meat, no fat.
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A “modern” Bond spiked with most of the stupidity of old Blofeld shit. Retcons all the previous villains into a sinister organisation, retroactively ruining them.
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Brad Bird turns another Disney theme park into a very fun and joyful film, with a small essay into political themes interspersed in some scenes.
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Come with me if you want more money.
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Kowloon Vice, with “hackers”. Hackers done badly.
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A fitting end to the series. Telenovela bullcrap with our “strong female lead” turns into a midwife, rejecting all responsibility except the higher one: the classic nuclear family, communing with nature and rejecting all Fascism, Cultural Revolutions, and Great Leaps Forward.
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Impeccable spook story, even when typed by a big budget instead of the handwritten like El laberinto del fauno. Lacks no romance, on the two small chapters.
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Silly people, worried about scripts written by AI, a random walk over random words. This is done here with the gall of having credits for “writers”. Words without meaning, effluvia of thought. Nearly as annoying as the reviews.
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Eli Roth sneaks into my living room (hidden behind cool uncle Keanu), takes a dump in the rug and throws bile all over the room. Gender swapped Funny Games is equally tasteless.
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ISO Standard biopic about a subject which seems dead and buried in modern society. But then at the end there as so many dates which are very recent. The future is here, just not evenly distributed.
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This has got to be the only film about Ireland without the sound of bagpipes on the soundtrack. How did they do it?
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Event Horizon: Western Edition. It’s both a nice western and a reasonable body horror flick, with plenty of humour (you wouldn’t want things to get dreary, would you?).
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I just wanted a film to turn off my brain, and the cast was amazing, but the credits turned me off from the whole thing. A Guy Ritchie Watchmen wannabe, produced by Steve Mnuchin? It’s like watching a po-faced Austin Powers.
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WTF did I just watch?
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Maradonna, Miss Universe and Leonard Nimoy enter a Swiss hotel… This script has incredible jokes, followed by cruel and mean philosophical meanderings into the Universe. Just like life…
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Emma Watson saying “Believe Us!” on TV, while being the villain, Evil incarnate. That’s ballsy. Troll level: Serge Gainsbourg.
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How quaint. It appears that someone thought that the best part of Ocean’s Eleven was the horrendous British accents and the sex jokes, and therefore based the entirety of a major motion picture on those skits. Preposterous, I say, good chap.
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Do not trust the pilgrims. Their plantation defies god’s teachings, we must go at it alone, in the wilderness. Nary ungodly thoughts must be had in our homestead.
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Just a 2 hours long Red Bull/Monster commercial, with the added beats from the older film. No pitbulls being thrown at our protagonist, sad. It kinda makes sense instead of being surfer dudes, the new anti-social anti-heros are ecoterrorist stunt YouTubers.
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Just people talking about hideous crimes. Kids! Revolting.
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Warm Bodies, but crazier, it’s the whole kitchen sink. Zombies, Vampires, Aliens, Werewolves, but also teen romance, jocks, stoners, and nerds.
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More like the hateful two: Weinstein and Tarantino do 2 and a half hours of soliloquies about the Confederacy, then 30 minutes of blood-soaked shootouts for the ratings, but finally both Yankee and the Rebel join forces in reining in the real threat: the only female character. She gets slapped around hard, but is finally lynched, and all agree it was good.