Archive for Release Year: 2016
58 posts from 28 December 2017 to 07 January 2025.
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Gods of Egypt is stunning. Visually, it’s pretty much flawless.
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Can’t hold a candle to R.I.P.D., that’s my verdict. If that’s not a black mark, I don’t know what is.
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Melodramatic and over the top. Even being a war film, it has more in common with John Woo heroic bloodshed.
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Dadaist CGI cow roams an urban setting, like the subway, restaurants, offices. Cow-a-bunda!
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A childish comic book adaptation. This one suffers from a lack of plot and too much Will Smith.
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Completely crazy catwalk of cognate cameos. Creates a cognitive confusion concerning celebrities communications containing cant ciphers, commonly called slang. Neil deGrasse Tyson in da house, bitches!
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Not a bad directorial stint for Jodie Foster. The ending is strong on this one…
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Just another Mulholland Drive with extra twists and less budget. Mackenzie Davis can’t make omelettes without eggs.
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Stars off as a simple “Ana de Armas in many costumes” drama, but starts progressively weirder until it clicks, and from there you can see the ending, which is fucked up.
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A slow motion descent into a personal hell, courtesy of Jacqueline Kennedy. This is painful to watch, the slow pacing helps to imagine how terrible those first hours post JFK assassination must have been.
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A pointless film since Citizenfour exists. Boils down to a study on Snowden’s sex life.
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SQUINT! SQUINT AT THE GRANDEUR!
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Lawrence of Congo, but with animals! And America as the anti-colonial force, oh the irony.
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Über-hipster slice of life
of a bus driver who is nice,
writes poems about his wife
and their bulldog has no lice. -
Refn does Mullholland Drive, replacing the noir references by body horror, and with a discernible plot. Random cameos by Keanu Reeves too, for some reason. Special thanks to Alejandro Jodorowski…
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Meh, overplays its hand for such formulaic script.
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I will deny in a court of law this timid and formulaic BBC biopic is a masterpiece. I’m not libelling Rachel Weisz plus supporting characters for this easy paycheck.
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A high budget remix of all other Bourne films, for the money. It gets better on the second viewing. A great cast, not so silly plot (with parental bullcrap, but eh) and high octane action sequences.
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127 Hours of Jaws.
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Confucian aliens arrive to koan us into nirvana. Timeless Knowledge is Bliss.
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Sometimes you do a film for the greatest hits, with a central conflict of pride, competition, and revenge. Then you nail in Rodrigo Santoro with a message of peace, forgiveness, and selflessness.
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Twilight of the Hillbillies. Goddamn preppers with their Gun worship and Government mistrust, and then the main theme is love. And out freaking nowhere, comes a Edward Cullen to tempt the protagonist and spread the seed into possible sequels that never materialise.
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The classic tale of moronic criminal pals going down on account of their lack of smarts. Pure 100% dumb American fuckers.
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Rorschach’s Journal: I’m a depressed and paranoid voiceover, giving up the correct film noir vibes, and setting up the transitions between scenes, while the main character taxies around. Maybe I should not blame the plot for such an escalation in cruelty that numbs me, but it’s stronger than me.
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Starts silly, crosses the line into absolute bonkers, crosses the line twice into batshit insane. Better the The Dictator, but still not that good.
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Misunderstandings the lead to Total War: The Film. Surprisingly nice Tolkienesque prequel to World of Warcraft.
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This is really a retread of older films, adapted to differing realities. Sadly this is something so taboo, most American actors ran away from this like the plague, it seems.
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This is the quintessential “modern” reboot of an older IP which was radioactive as fuck. Who’s you gonna bore? Ghostbusters. I ain’t afraid of no repetition.
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Apocalypse No. The lust for knowledge is enough to send fine man to their deaths. No need for gold or political considerations.
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Creepy crawlers. Lowlifes dragging themselves through the mud for a bunch of cash. A low-key picture.
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Evil begets evil, or victims become perpetrators.
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Rashomon is the warmest colour. Surprisingly, this is based on a British novel which had already been adapted by the BBC starring Sally Hawkins and Imelda Staunton.
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Come Back Girl, she’s not gone in the end.
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Slow moving drama that flares up in the last minutes. Bait-and-switch until the very last second.
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Patrick O’Malley, drunken Irishman, is so Irish, Catholic, and homophobic because he is a blue-collar working class fisherman. Not a Boston yuppie like Ben Affleck, a real human.
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More like bore of yuck-tease. It’s a complete trainwreck.
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Baited with a Jarhead type, and all I got was another Pentagon propaganda flick. Kristen was right, he’s no hero.
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Epistolary look into the commissioned officer experience in the Portuguese Colonial War. A more mainstream affair, compared to Hotel Império.
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Yet another PG-13 assassin murdering people, while boobs remain firmly in bras. It’s sort like Hitman (the game), making it look like an accident. Came for Michelle Yeoh, but it’s a cameo, no martial arts involving her. Jessica Alba is the love interest that does nothing but getting captured.
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Shit, for different reasons. This is a bog-standard modern sci-fi middle of the road affair. Instead of US Navy propaganda, it has product placement and Chinese money bankrolling the whole thing.
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A nice name. The
-oidsuffix means in the shape of. Someone who sends millions to their death us not a full human. -
I thought this was a Dead or Alive adaptation, all the fighters have dangerously large breasts. It’s scary. The fight scenes are not bad, with the right amount of slo-mo. A Z-list film, but very much watchable, a lady-only remake of Bloodsport.
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Good grief, one of the worst films brought about from one of the best settings. And a great cast to boot, doing mindless love triangles.
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This is an alleged adaptation of a Stephen King novel, but it was butchered beyond any recognition. Not even the main cast can salvage it.
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This film is torn between a competent horror thriller about an abused girl turning inward, escaping into her own inner world; and some over-the-top mind-over-matter transhuman, toying with mere mortals like a cat playing with its food.
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Well well, Bourne with a family. But Reacher is still the noir anti-hero, a complete asshole who respects no one, we are supposed to root for him.
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What a great film, I love how everything fits together. It’s really funny, the dialogue is full of zingers.
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The original Gone in 60 Seconds, but with plot. Baby Driver without rapists. Not even worthy of Saturday afternoon viewing.
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The one with Felicity Jones as less platonic love interest, but still far enough from first base.
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Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas with less drugs and more cheap beer.
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At first you think this can’t work again, lightning doesn’t strike twice. Then you have the opening shot, of Wille riding a sports car on The Strip, drooling over a breastfeeding mother, crashing into the valet service he is working with, being fired on the spot. Brilliant, even though I think I got the censored TV version.
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More like The Crucible in a morgue. Salem dudes tortured a innocent girl in the 17th century, so her body gets bounced around modern times, until someone takes a peek and gets brutally murdered by other corpses.
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This is not the final chapter, feels like yet another chapter told badly for devilish reasons. It retroactively makes the last film worse, the whole President Wesker subplot is abandoned offscreen.
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Some kind of crappy horror film. It’s not just technically bad, the rest is so bad, you start noticing the technical fails.
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What the hell is this, why is Robert Zemeckis directing a soap opera for the Chinese? Sure, they laundered their money through Paramount, but there’s the Huahua company logo at the start, probably some Chinese billionaire front.
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A mediocre remake of a mediocre remake of Seven Samurai. With such a large budget and a good cast, not a great film comes out of it. Nothing magnificent about this.
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Tim Burton’s Back to the Future version, with his trademark horror themes. A solid children’s film, where the hero hooks up with his own grandfather’s ex.
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Damn, this thriller has so many twists and turns, it alternates many times between “this sucks” and “this is awesome”. A very fine film for such limited budget and cast.