Archive for 2024
42 posts from 01 January to 03 July 2024.
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With all due respect, what the fuck? What the fuck is this? What the fuuuck… I know who you are, fucker. Fucking lunatics. Fucking morons.
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I knew it, Kill the Messenger needed some kind of softer human alternative. One with literal cartoon Eagles and Bears battling over the American lebensraum.
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Even though it’s not a great Dirty Harry film, it’s still an hyper competent cop film, with memorable scenes, like the RC car chase. Beats Deadpool by a mile.
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This kind of thing works better as sketch show, like Who is America. Just like most Borat stuff, not all of it lands, but the Giuliani stuff is incredible, it’s beyond manipulative editing. America’s Mayor.
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Dirty Harry fights the forces of feminism, that’s about the only civil right he hasn’t violated. But not even him can resist jiggling boobs.
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Ahh, the fun starts at the credits. Since there was a backlash with fascist undertones of the last film, this one is written by John “Red Dawn” Milius, actual fascist, Saving Private Ryan script doctor, and Walter Sobchak inspiration.
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This is another origin story, but different from Spider-Man 3. Who can keep track anyway.
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Another red Venom, yay. Haven’t seen the dozen of necessary Marvel shit to properly appreciate the references. Boring as fuck normal Marvel crap..
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This is one of those Z-list direct to streaming releases, probably unearthed because Sydney freaking Sweeney stars in it. It’s not bad enough to become blackmail material, it’s just beige and anodyne. It’s not even the good kind of Z-list, just Hallmark shit.
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Ahh, a proper horror film about truly horrible things: sexual frustration, church crimes, British collaboration with the Nazi regime. I just can’t understand the title.
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A story where the ‘Ndrangheta are not the worse villains, at least its an ethos. Worshipping Mammon is the root of all evil.
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More Ivan Reitman bullshit, another low rent Ghostbusters. Effects driven, the “hero” is introduced flirting with an underage student (again!), explicit anti-state spiel. It was bad the first time already.
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A bona fide old school noir in Hollywood, with all the necessary twists. Turns out to be filmed in Spain and Ireland, Tinseltown is no what it used to be.
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Ahh, vintage Will Smith slaps … I mean, kicks ass. A bona fide Arnie-alike. The plot is great too.
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This is a shitty thriller, it cheats so much there is a mid-credits montage of how things actually happened. What’s the point, then?
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The action-packed sequel that Dune: Part 1 required. The diptych really covers all bases. The changes from the book are mostly for the best (except the (understandable) Jihad references).
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Technically impressive biopic with incredible makeup and acting, in service of a crappy hagiography and bland story. The political equivalent of the effects driven extravaganza.
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This feels like Die Welle, with more meaning lost in translation. But the coup de grâce is avoided, the ending is weak, there is barely resolutions to the plot points.
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Celebrating fascist pigs have never been so stylish. A cinematic marvel wrapped around repulsive ideology, more explicit that Triumph of the Will.
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Probably the best film with a calypso cover of 50 Cent’s “P.I.M.P.” on the soundtrack.
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It’s really too subtle, a very small peak into banal lives spent murdering people at an industrial scale. This is better than Oppenheimer in almost every way.
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An anthology of smaller stories. Harvey Weinstein’s Miramax logo means immediate shudders at the amount of nudity. God, it retroactively ruins so many films.
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Mon dieu, c’est magnifique. A higher budget silly B-movie, a much more comedic anthology of Troma-like schlock.
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The Twilight Zone (Nightmare at 20 Thousand Feet) meets Ice Age meets Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot.
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More JG Ballard weirdness, but this is much more “political” than Crash. It’s almost too on the nose. I’m sure the book doesn’t end like that, or maybe it does…
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A Dario Argento film, but not stylised and giallo like Suspiria, more raw and undercooked.
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Yet another bloated two and half hours snorefest, with a truly preposterous 30 min long silly fight scene in a parking lot. God, it’s so long and painful.
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Biohazard: The Road Warrior. A particularly crummy Mad Max ripoff, with final boss fight setting up the next film.
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You got to hand it to Spielberg, he can tug at heartstrings. Under absolutely no circumstances you have got to “hand it” to the nazis.
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The second one, a direct sequel. Mostly a retread with smaller and smaller mean scene length. There are just too damn many cuts, it’s all chopped up like confetti.
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Fuck yeah, a proper horror film made in Portugal. Just a bit on the nose, as our boy is called Edward Ipus. Ed Ipus, geddit?
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It’s no Event Horizon, but it’s a competent mainstream horror film. Derivative, but a good effort.
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That’s no time to die, all right. Several decades too late. The complete anachronism of the whole thing is getting more and more preposterous. NANOMACHINES, SON!
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Who the fuck wrote this? Why? Blade is not an exasperated oldie, Whistler is a curmudgeon elder who dies (again), so Blade needs to run with Whistler’s Daughter (not the famous painting from Bean).
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A higher budget cannot hide the outdated CGI, but is great despite that. The characters are just awesome!
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Erin Brokovich with more English actors. I’m afraid of reading more about the case and discover they were all mistreated even more, or that the lawyers hoovered up all the money. I’ll be pissed if they made up the whole thing.
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A nice little close circle thriller. Simple, slow burner, twisty. Overdeveloped in terms of world building, the characters take a back seat.
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Now that’s a Marvel film I can get behind. Beats Black Panther in every single metric. It’s not even an origin story!
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Of all the suspension of disbelief, nothing beats Tom Cruise as the blue collar worker that kill the prepper. He would be the first Trump supporter.
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This is almost a real film. An actual plot with good actors, drama, cool visuals. It nearly outgrows its dark origins as childish dross, but there’s some specks of horse manure attached to a somewhat polished gemstone.
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Wait, another bloated superhero film with Harley Quinn and other people? Am I having Deja Vu? I’m just here for Ratcatcher, the weaksauce hero that saves the day.